February 2012
62 posts
new phone, new me lol #yolo
1 tag
2 tags
If you drive a Prius, there is a 98% that I don’t like you.
clavid:
paying homeless people in trident layers
1 tag
I’m giving up being hilarious for lent.
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wakes up late: yolo
fails test: yolo
embarrasses self publicly: yolo
loses virginity: yolo
murders someone: yolo
is on americas most wanted: yolo
goes to jail: yolo
is on death row: yolo
gets executed: yolo
“Stop using me as an excuse for being fat.”
– Marilyn Monroe
She Bel[tacos]ieved
“How do chickin fingers get so big?? Thier hands are way smaller..i bet its...”
– Bennett
You aren't vegan if:
prepareforkombat:
You’re alive. You’re taking up space that could be used by animals. You are restricting their right to roam freely.
2 tags
i just want some grilled cheese right now
who wants to make me grilled cheese?
i’ll love you forever.
3 tags
Change of Seasons || Sweet Thing
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“Blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble places where other people...”
– Camille Pissarro (via hopedust)
homework: do me
me: chill out slut
Brb, watching The Last Song because I’m an A+ faggot.
3 tags
gators or canes?
It’s 11pm. Do you know where your dignity is?
“What’s more romantic than a dildo-party-slash-murder?”
– Sterling Archer
gothbaby:
once i scraped my knee in 3rd grade and a weird girl who was obsessed with horses was like “hold on” then she started crying and dropped tears on my knee then she was like “pegasus tears heal wounds”
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my dash right now:
porn
porn
porn
food
porn
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me: I'm gonna study when I get home
me: I'll just study before I go to bed
me: I'll just study in the morning
me: I'll just study on the way to school
me: I'll just study in this class
me: I'll just study in the hall
me: I'll just study before the test
me: I'll just study during the test
1 tag
In the mood for chocolate, red wine, and a good cuddle buddy.
And by that, I mean McDonald’s, a slushie, and a good movie aka every Tyler Perry movie ever produced.
2 tags
superbrowniedivya asked: I SHIP YOU WITH CARLOS 5EVER
You’ve got to be kitten me right meow.
Cat hiss ridiculous.
iamwhatiamatrainwreck:
Cosmo sex tip #394: Once your man reaches orgasm, awkwardly embrace him and whisper “well done Draco.”
4 tags
51 Christian Friendly Words for Your Vagina! →
Puff Pillow
Fish Cave
Baby Door
Eve’s Tunnel
Satan’s Doorbell (Clitoral muscle)
Reverse Blowhole
Skin Wand Scarf
Egg Crate
Bullet Wound
Sin Flower
Moist Camel Hump
Harpy Nest
Canker Blossom
Silk Barnacle
Flap Dragon
Clapper Claw
Birth Cavern
Flesh Wrap
DNA Catcher
Frothy Creek
Satan’s Trap
Sin Muscle
Folded Flesh Leaf
Harpoon Target
Slurpin’ Salmon...
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Ray Charles || Chiddy Bang
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mysterious-cheekbones:
Robert Pattinson is your drunk cousin who sits at the table on Thanksgiving and says things to piss off everyone in the family because he just. doesn’t. give. a. fuck.
“So a dog walks into the forest and he sees a whale and says “aren’t you supposed...”
– A joke told by the Russian exchange student that used to go to my school.
It’s that special day…
Tuesday.
hi who wants to keep me company and talk to me and distract me from the entire world?
i’ll pay you in sexual favors.
okay not really but still
i’d love you forever.
1 tag
Everything hurts and I just spent about the last 5 hours ugly crying and oh god I can’t even stop my eyes are like niagra fucking falls
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“Valentines day isn’t about being a couple in love….. It’s...”
tardris:
can they just rename the grammy’s the we-let-domestic-abusers-perform-and-everyone-tries-to-copy-lady-gaga-and-ends-up-looking-stupid-and-also-taylor-swift-gets-congratulated-for-slut-shaming awards and be done with it
My face does this really cool thing where it looks shit all the time.
Michael Jackson alive: "Ew that fucking pedophile what a horrible person"
Michael Jackson dead: "LONG LIVE THE KING OF POP HE WILL BE MISSED WE LOVE YOU MJ"
Amy Winehouse alive: "That slutty heroin addict needs to just drop dead already"
Amy Winehouse dead: "Ugh she was such a great talent, taken so young. Rest in peace, Amy ♥"
Whitney Houston alive: "Stupid crackwhore. What a fucking moron."
Whitney Houston dead: "I am in tears, she was taken so soon. Her voice will live on. She was so wonderful and talented."
My mom: Did you hear Whitney Houston died?
Me: Yeah
My mom: I loved her. What a waste of talent.
My mom: I'm sad.
Me:
My mom:
Me:
My mom: Stupid Bobby Brown.
The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
tyrawanks:
my parents are really good at making jokes
for example me
1 tag
If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I...
Just to look at her act like:
Then watch the dude sit there like: